Dracula: The Un-Dead

I've met Dacre Stoker. He's a likeable character, but 'The Un-dead' is absolute bilge. It's a mess of different ideas that don't really amount to anything. Let's jam Jack the Ripper, let's bolt Star Wars in here, can we fit the Titanic in? Yes, I think we can fit the Titanic in.

'Dracula: The Un-Dead's plot is similar to 'Shadow of a Vampire', which is ironic because 'Shadow of a Vampire' is about the making of a movie that stole its plot from the original 'Dracula'. There's a big spoiler coming up after this sentence, though it's such an obvious twist you'd have to have a skullful of styrofoam popcorn not to see it. 'Shadow of a Vampire' is about the making of a movie about a vampire played by an actor who may or may not be an actual vampire. 'The Un-dead' is about the making of a play based on Dracula starring an actor who may or may not actually be Dracula.

Shadow of a Vampire is good because its ideas actually lead somewhere. It uses its film within a film device to talk about the relationship people have with film, on and off camera.

'The Un-dead' is bad because its ideas lead to nothingtown, population: you, frustrated reader. Its play-within-a-book device is just another tacked on, gimmicky sleight of hand designed to baffle your senses into believing there's an actual novel in your hands instead of wallet-lightening waste of your brain. Still in doubt? Here's a sample sentence: "She tried to escape her misty rapist."

Read Anno Dracula instead. Your brain will thank you for it.

- Anthony Conroy

Rogue

Crocodiles are fucking scary. Lets get this straight that going into Rogue I was nursing a deep conscious fear of those four legged death machines. Out swam them? Tough shit cause they’ll chase you on land. Outran them? Tough shit they are just up ahead waiting for you in the passenger seat of your car.
Having said that, in the movies crocodiles don’t always fair well. In fact, Lake Placid is the only film that I can recall seeing that featured a killer crocodile and it was basically a fairly chuckle-some affair. Not something to be taken too seriously. Rogue, on the other hand, is fucking scary. Set in an Australian swamp where a bunch of tourists set out on a shady boat tour, promising to take them where no other boat tours will go. Things go inevitably pear-shaped and they are shipwrecked on a mud island in the middle of the swamp. With the prospect of being stranded until morning, the group beings to argue and fall apart. Its only then do they realise that they need to be a bit more concerned about the bad ass crocodile with a huge appetite picking them off one by one.

Rogue could’ve easily been a schlocky monster b-movie and in some ways towards the end, it does become that. But what it manages to achieve for the majority is a slasher film. But instead of masked maniac stalking teens, this is a great big crocodile grabbing random people who venture too close to the water. Not only that but it does the stalk n’ slash better than most of the slashers in quite a while. Many horror films recently (as I’ve mentioned before) have a severe problem with restraint. Not Rogue, it uses it and its what makes this a great goddamn nail-biter as well as a terrifying jump-fest. The crocodile is only glimpsed for probably two thirds of the film. It jumps out at literally any moment to snatch another victim and just as quickly it’s gone. You get just enough time to grab a glance at the creature, crap yourself and its over. When the team decide to make an escape over the water, the tension is really unbearable. You are constantly aware something is out there but when it’ll strike? Who knows?
This is a giant crocodile movie! Giant crocodile movies (from my experience…ok I’ve only seen one other) shouldn’t be cleverly crafted taunt thrillers! Director Greg McClean is also responsible for torture horror Wolf Creek, which I’m not a huge fan of. Rogue really isn’t much like his previous effort. It has a similar mud and blood feel to it, as well as some dark humour but Rogue feels more accomplished and though I thought Wolf Creek was dull, his latest effort certainly makes him a filmmaker to watch.

Essentially what Rogue delivers something you really don’t expect. Even looking at the DVD sleeve, which screams monster movie, this is more of a thriller. Riddled with suspense and nerve-racking set pieces. Though the final ten minutes is slightly less impressive than the rest. It certainly serves up a genuinely shocking experience. Seek it out, as it really deserves to be seen.