AVATAR

"Avatar has been a pet project for years" he explained at San Diego Comic Con this year. Directing dynamo James Cameron spoke of a brave new world where 3D went beyond characters reaching out towards the audience and things flying towards the screen looking like they were about to decapitate you! Avatar would be the first truly immersive movie experience, he asked the crowd “Do you want to go to Pandora?” I looked into Cameron’s eyes and said “Yes Jimmy! Yes! Take me to your new wonderful new planet! Take me away from this stink town and let me dance with the blue cat people!” Cameron’s eyes welled up. This was the moment he’d been waiting for, the moment to usher the nerds into a new era of cinema. I reached out and nodded emphatically at the director, who was trying to compose himself, this was obviously the greatest moment of his life. He looked around and raised his left hand, ready to signal the beginning of events we will tell our grandchildren about. As he made us wait that little bit longer he saw me. My arms outstretched, sweat dripping down my brow. I had a look of a man who wanted to know more, who wanted to see beyond this frail, miserable world and into a new universe!

“Boy?” James Cameron bellowed. I nearly shat.
“Boy? Do you…” His voice broke, he gargled water and spat it into the first row, hitting a teenage boy whom I assumed died of happiness shortly afterwards.
“Boy? Do you…YOU… want to go to Pandora?” I was stunned and mouthed “Yes, by all that is loud and expensive, YES I WANT TO GO TO PANDORA!”
“Then you know what you have to do right?” He smiled and two women in the second row were hit with an orgasm of almighty proportions.
“No” This time I let out a little squeak of noise.
“Put on your goggles and lets goooooooooo” He punched the air and the rest of the capacity crowd threw their hands up in euphoria! We were about to see it! The cheering continued long after Cameron’s podium had lifted off the ground and descended into the heavens. Finally the smoke cleared and the footage began and it was…it was…. pretty good.

Pretty good was my feelings then and a couple of months, one ticket, garbage bag full of popcorn and a large coke later, I feel exactly the same. We have waited for a while for a new James Cameron opus and well that is what we got. It’s obviously a labour of love and kudos to him for creating a world that is totally believable and beautifully designed. All the sights, smells, the colours are all very fully realised and at times quite stunning. Cameron has put a lot of work into this and visually I am really impressed. But unfortunately, that’s it. There is nothing more to it. In fact the sheer lack of anything else almost negates the pros of Avatar.

You see when I found myself at the one hundred-minute mark losing entire interest into anything that was going on. We’re talking about a one hundred and fifty minute movie here! I soon realised the problem. The bones of Avatar are cool but the meat is pretty damn boring. This is pretty much down to the script. The dialogue is clunky and dull, when there should be “Game over man” and “Your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle” there is nothing but characters explaining the plot to each other and chatting about how wonderful nature is.
Now I not looking for the next Aliens here but the dialogue is so stilted and dry that it makes me care less about the plight of the people of Pandora.
I’ll give the cast its due though Weaver, Worthington and the rest of the cast do a fine job. Its just the material is so bland. It just seems that James Cameron has built this wonderful impressive playhouse but the toys he has made to put it in are shoddy, useless and made entirely of blue Plasticine. I would recommend you see it, if only for the wow inducing last fifteen minutes and well its new James Cameron so you kinda have to. But I just have one question…where the fuck is True Lies 2?

- Pahl Disasterfield