Cabin in the Woods

Cabin in the Woods tell the story five teenagers who travel to a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere for sex, drugs, booze and generally fun times. OK so this is where I insist on stopping anymore communication over the plot or any details of what happens next. If you find yourself reading/hearing a review that tells you anymore than what I've just said regarding the plot, throw your laptop/newpaper/magazine/internet/phone/friend or loved one out the window.

The best way to enjoy the party that is Cabin in the Woods is to know nothing about it.

Yes, its a horror movie. BUT its a Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard horror movie. Two guys (one moreso than the other) known for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. CITW actually works an awful lot like Buffy, smart alec teenagers, awesome villains and a subversion of the generally accepted rules of horror. Said rules are used to poke fun at the genre but also to give a nice warm hug and an encouraging pat on the back.

If CITW were a woman (or man) it would be the woman (or man) of your dreams, sexy, cool, fun to be around, all your friends would get along with her (him), the only thing is that this sexy woman (man) would really really love horror. CITW is blood still-beating heart shaped love letter to the genre and its fan. There are nods to other horror franchises and certain things that happen, one might say, could only be cheered for by a group of crazed horror fans. But please don't let that put you off!

My only proper complaint would be that it isn't the scaaaariest film I've ever seen. There are a couple of ohmygodholdme jumps at the beginning but we're not talking sleep-with-the-light-on scary.

Despite this CITW is really worth everyone's time. Its something different in a tired cinema full of movies made from old TV shows, remakes and McG films. Its clever, really funny and is one of the few movies where you'll be laughing and shaking your head thinking 'that was awesome'.

The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games seemed to explode roughly 3 or 4 months ago. Up until then Battle Royale (and to a lesser extent Battle Royale 2: Requiem) cornered the lets-force-children-to-battle-to-the-death market. I somehow managed to avoid any marketing, even the trailer for Hunger Games and went in scoffing about how the idea is pretty much a complete replica of the uber-violent Japanese manga.

Happily I can admit I was wrong. Hunger Games creates a Orwellian world of various districts, lorded over by a rich totalitarian state, whom must throw a lady and a gentleman into a 24 person deathmatch in order to placate your poor and huddled masses. Focusing on that future distopia for the majority of the first half, with all its bright colours and mental haircuts. As well as the funny and outlandish performances that go into the pre-murderous Hunger Games show, which the masses (pardon the pun) eat up. While the second half hits you with the vicious Hunger Games themselves, amping up the harsh brutality (not of the puking blood level of Battle Royale mind) of setting kids out in a forest to hunt each other down.

So some two and a half hours later I can safely say I liked it! Its a well put together world pushing some sci-fi on you without going too far down the flying car and robot butler route. This is more 1984 than Fifth Element (which also had funny hair). The games themselves are brutal, the violence isn't too explicit but kudos to directer Gary Ross for managing to retain the nastiness of the games without having to show kids getting their heads cut off. Performances are great all-round. Woody Harrelson plays a grizzled old veteran, while the unrecognizable Elizabeth Banks is a lot of fun admist the drudgery. Stanley Tucci's Davina McCall-alike presenter of the Hunger Games TV broadcast is one of the best things in the movie, he is fun and silly with a faux-sincerity that perfectly contrasts with the violence. Jennifer Lawrence is pretty good too, a healthy mix of terror at what has to be done and fuck-it lets just survive, making her very easy to root for.

The tone is pretty bleak, the therein lies the only problem. The Hunger Games is almost two and half hours long and even though I was into it, in the latter half of the games themselves it start to become an endurance test. After the third of fourth scene of two characters overwhelmed by the horror they are facing you feel beaten down and completely worn out. There is so much to get through its tough to see where and what could've been cut but unfortunately, as a girl once told me, the length is an issue. Also there is an issue of not explaining certain elements of how the Hunger Games works (why is the hunky lad from District 12's name in the hat 42 times? What did getting 11 mean?), but these don't seriously hurt the film or confuse the story too much.

An entertaining start to a very interesting franchise, bagginess and bleakness aside, its engaging and I am on-board for the sequel!

Stella Days

Yeah its grand, I suppose....

This Must Be the Place

Think of a Wes Anderson movie, quirky, funny, weird with genuine pathos and a character depth which is touching and familiar. They usually feature a major actor looking a bit bedraggled and depressed and they are usually Bill Murray.

Now, the main problem with The Must Be The Place is that its not a Wes Anderson movie but its trying reeeeeally, reeeeally hard to be one.

Its not that TMBTP is bad, its just that you feel like its trying to be quirky and weird but ends up being a bit stupid and opens itself up for much scoffing and a lot of what-the-fucks. Penn is fine as the washed-up glam rocker who is living an easy but a completely unfulfilling life. So when his father dies, he travels to his funeral and end up trying to track down a Nazi war criminal whom terrorized his father during the War.

The adventure that then ensues contains bizarre characters, situations and conversations that I honestly wish had more depth, humor or were even vaguely interesting.

Thing is, I wanted to like it, its got little moments and Penn is generally great but its faux-deep conversations("sometimes life doesn't give you all that life can't give"). Just because you make no sense, doesn't mean what you're saying is profound. At all.

Project X

AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!!!!

Ahem, OK so a couple of high-schoolers decide to throw the ultimate make or break party while one of the guy's parents is away. Its all shot in mockumentary style and is pretty much based on this guy...



...an Australian teenager who threw a massive house party which resulted in huge amount of damage and mayhem.

So first of all, this movie is incredibly awful. The least, you'd think, with a story like that you could probably thrown something fun if completely stupid together ala Old School. Or even something serviceable despite its leery, obnoxious characters ala The Hangover...

WRONG!

Project X is like looking through the window at a house party you will never be allowed into. There are several montages of people drinking, dancing, taking off their clothes, jumping around, having a fuck-load better time than you're having!

The characters are all absolute pricks, the women are basically there to take their tops off and be pretty much abused by anyone with a cock.

The arrogance of this monstrosity could only be put on paper by a teenager and that teenager is a dick. Look at the ending, particularly that of the relationship between our hero and his love interest, how that is resolved is mind-boggling. No adult could have finished the last line of that and thought 'yes, people will buy that, I'm a comic genius'. The film is like a 15yr old boy's dream, where nothing has real consequence, girls are dumb and easily manipulated and everything is funny even when it really, really isn't. In fact I would've been won over if the film had ended up being just a wet dream of some obnoxious adolescent and he had to just clean himself up and go to school, where none of this had actually happened. At least then that would fucking explain how this movie actually fucking happened!?!

There is a lot more I could shite on about Project X and its appalling nature but the one big problem for X, one which one could've saved all of this hate and bile I'm spewing, is that there are no jokes. Nothing. Not a single funny thing happens. Sure there are things I assumed the writers intended on being funny i.e angry midget, swearing, calling people 'faggot' constantly, women taking off their tops and guys talking about how they are going to 'fuck that' then indeed fucking that. I just couldn't find the jokes, for the most part the party just happens until its not happening.

A complete waste of my fucking time and my time is NOT important!