ZOMBIE VIRUS ON MULBERRY STREET

Low-budget film-makers have more chance of being bitten by sharks, winning the lottery or making apples fall into space than they have of producing glossy period dramas. That’s why the smart ones fall in love with horror, with a genre that finds the macabre in the mundane, a creaky door, an old farmhouse, telephones ringing in the dead of night. That’s why, until Isaac Newton tumbles out of the sky muttering alien physics, you’ll see so many low-budget film-makers make their start with horror.

Zombie Virus On Mulberry Street is a prime example of creep on the cheap. The film shares similarities with Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later. Both films use guerrilla photography to great effect and both films behave like zombie movies while not, technically, being zombie movies at all. 28 Days Later had the ‘Infected’, deadly victims of a psychological virus. Mulberry Street has half rat, half human cannibals that sprout snouts and whiskers and chew their way through walls and flesh. The soon-to-be evicted tenants of a New York apartment block must hold out against a killer virus sweeping the city, .

I MISS YOU ANTHONY. 

2.18am - 22/09/2016

I don't want to turn on the light again to write this on paper.

Listening to Nick Cave's new album (Skeleton Trees, for future Stephen to not be infuriated by, at this point Cave may be dead or ascended to supreme being) and feeling useless. Such a bizarre week of being reminded how short life is. How humbling a week it has been. Everyone is so talented.

But I'm still feeling so dumb and a waste. That is hardly fair, its pretty fucking selfish right? Pretty. I just need to push myself to being the most creative and interesting person I can be, not waste another moment.

Ugh, I feel stupid and hopeless.

Moved onto Leonard Cohen (Songs of Love and Hate you pretentious bumblefuck). I shouldn't be allowed a second thought with these paragraphs, write it as you think it and when we review it late it'll be more interesting. I am so desperate to be interesting.

Diamonds in the Mine is class. Make late night

Rate my mood.

3/10

Will figure out a graph later.

The 2013 Big Bumper Preview!

What a year 2012 has been for the moving pictures with it's Hobbits, it's Spidermen and it's Prometheuseses. But 2013 is looking to be cinema's strongest year yet! So let me take you through a couple of the biggest and brightest to hit our screen in 2013.

Cannes has been alight this year with the ravings from critics and non-critics about Scott Amblberg's epic fantasy/courtroom drama The Amiable Case of Professor Rough-Bunny. Telling the story of college professor and part-time wizard Charles Rough-Bunny, who must confront his estranged family when his father passes away. Word is that Martha Cartles' performance is mesmerizing.

For the young (and young at heart) is Snugglerucks, reuniting the team behind The Buckle-back Family and Legend of the Jack-O-Probes, Snugglerucks has gained some very frosty reviews over the last month but if its anything like their previous works it should be, at least, an visually interesting watch.

Horror-wise Night of the Maimed is looking like a nasty little flick that'll be worth a look. Being released on 31st, it looks like Halloween is the night to be maimed or as the tagline says 'This Halloween....Don't Get Maimed'.

Twenty Thirteen sees the last of The Yuck Brother's comedic trilogy. OK, we all know the last installment wasn't all-that but if you've seen the teaser trailer recently you'll know Rosey Yuck really kicks it up a notch this year! Rumbling online say he hasn't been this funny in years but hey unfortunately we won't know until July!

For all those who like a good tearjerker, Doggie-Do's is finally getting a release date of April 4th. So maybe a late Valentine's Day night-out for the person in your life who likes films about telepathic dogs?

Well that's it for the moment, but of course this is only part of the great films coming to the silver screen this year. Happy New Year and a good luck to you all!

In memory of Anthony Conroy

This week is one year on from something that I never dreamed I'd have to deal with. The loss of one of my closet and best friends.

I miss that clumsy fucker every single day, something always gives me that feeling, the Anto-would've-loved-this feeling that makes me so sad but proud to have known him. He influenced so much in my life, from my love of horror, nonsense and shit movies, to wanting to try and make some of these dumb ideas into real-life movies. Thing is, he was so damn talented himself that he could have done so much, his scripts, his music,  his ideas.

Recently the thing that makes me smile most is something he said on the set of Dead Event, when he told me he'd be happy to keep making dumb zombie movies for the rest of his life. Well, he got to make one and I'm so thankful he got to see it before it was too late.

So in memory of our favorite lanky, kilt wearing, klutz of a steampunk, here is our movie Dead Event....

We had to sadly cut Anto out of it cause he had a fucking smile on his face when getting attacked by zombies....

So we're now doing a movie called Papercuts, that Anto and myself started a few years ago.

I miss you buddy.

Killer Joe

Killer Joe is the newest picture from William Friedkin, whom brought us The Exorcist, which I have yet to watch in full after being scared shitless halfway through when I was 12. Killer Joe is a little different, it tells the story of a Texan white-trash family who plot to kill their white-trash mother/ex-wife to reap the life insurance reward. In walks Killer Joe Cooper, a full-time cop moonlighting as a hired hitman. The crew hire Joe but are a little unprepared for Joe's utterly bonkers tendencies. 

So I'm a day with this movie to rest in my brain and honestly the more it stays with me, the more I think it was really great. Its reminded me of southern double-cross thrillers like Red Rock West or Blood Simple but with a nasty violent streak and a sexually charged uncomfortableness that leaves you squirming in your chair. The tension is racked up by the absolutely fantastic Matthew McConaughey. I know! Matthew Mc-NoShirt-Conaughey...

THIS GUY!?

McConaughey is fucking TERRIFYING! His charming, square jawed handsomeness draws you in but his unflinching batshit craziness spits you right back out. 

Killer Joe is an uncomfortable, nerve-racking ride, b-movie ride. Genuinely very funny at one turn then horrifically violent and unpleasant at another, well worth a look. Especially for its utterly brilliant ending. 

Cosmopolis

Did I like this film....did...I...hmmm....did I like this film? I'm really not sure. Its got a futuristic, doomed, society-is-crumbling backdrop. I like that. Its pretty much telling us how we're all fucked and its our own fault. I like that too. Its even got loads of people looking cool with shades and stuff. I like that too! I even like R-Patz!

The main problem is its detachment. American Psycho (which this movie is probably closest to) had a main character whom was detached from reality and Cosmopolis' R-Patz is very similar. He wanders (or is driven) through the city on a way to get a haircut, bored and jaded by everything and everyone around him. The sex scenes have Pattinson with his eyes at half-mast, barely interested in what was probably the last thing to give him any pleasure in life. Just like Patrick Bateman. While we're on the subject Robert Pattinson is awesome. He is cool and distant with an underlying psychotic streak. If anyone thinks he is just a pretty glittery vampiric face, they should check this out and see that he is really quite talented.

Unlike American Psycho, Cosmopolis does very little to try and give you something to hang onto emotionally. Every character who shows up in the limo is cold, clinical and their dialogue is very very complex. For 90% of the movie its Pattinson and one other character talking about technology, death and the plummeting of society. All well and good but I was left dazed and extremely confused trying to keep up with dialogue, characters and what the heck was actually going on! Just as I was getting to grips with one paragraph, three more paragraphs of dialogue screeched past me like a runaway complication train made out of question marks.

But let me be clear, I didn't dislike it. I admire the unashamed complexity and the emotional barrenness of the characters, especially Pattinson, which is kinda the point, how money and technology is distancing us from being human. Unfortunately this means it must sacrifice anything that give the audience some involvement in the material but I guess that's like a metaphor or some shit.

Osombie

Alriiiight! I am so proud to have this in my collection. Just to have a DVD cover that depicts Osama Bin Laden as a member of the living dead fills me with a warmth that the quality of the movie couldn't possibly replicate. 'Bin Laden will die again' oh stop! Its just too perfect. Its the kinda thing you might want around if you have people over at your house and they happen to be browsing through your DVDs. Its cool that I don't have to bring it up, people will see it, ask about it and awesome, I get to talk about this movie! Its like owning Sharktopus, it sucks but when people see it they will turn to you and go 'hey whats this' and you'll tell them the basic premise and they'll say 'wow, that sounds mental!' and laugh, all the while you're hiding the fact that it really isn't as much fun as it sounds...

Osombie is what all good exploitation cinema is made of, see Iron Sky, though they waited 60 years before cashing that particular cow. But hey, these guys saw the potential, went there and pulled the trigger and the results are kinda like Sharktopus but not quite. Where Sharktopus (half shark, half octopus) failed was that aside from one or two actual Sharktopus encounters there wasn't much Sharktopus on screen, just people moving from place to place and being bored. With Osombie, there isn't very many encounters with the titular Osama Bin Laden zombie but more with his zombified minions. Unlike Sharktopus though, it isn't completely boring, but Bin Laden isn't milling about in every scene, quipping and pulling someones head off. Disappointing.

After that who gives a shit right? The whole point is for Osombie to be front and centre! Well, its not all bad, the gore is decent-ish and it moves along at a fair old pace. When you actually see Osombie, the make-up is pretty cool! So, its not the worst thing ever..I mean if you really don't want to sit through this movie just pick up the cover shake your head and say 'Feckin' hell, what a ridiculous idea', cause frankly that's about as clever and fun this movie gets.

What I'm trying to say is go see Iron Sky.