Iron Man, Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America and now its time for AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! With Joss Whedon in the engine room of this superhero powered money-train, you can consider my nerd powerfully gasmed.
So what could possibly go wrong exactly?
Well, not a lot. Sure there are a few talkie bits that might need a little trim. SURE the story is exactly the same as Transformers 1, in so much as a bad guy has a magic cube to rule the world, good guys want magic cube back, smash shit up etc. SUUUUURE its a little too long. But y'know if only blockbusters could look and sound this slick, if they all had a central Hulk performance this funny and awesome. If Joss Whedon could just be involved in every movi....OK maybe not but he certainly manages to make a really fun, cartoon of an action movie, with ludicrous bad guys who cackle and curly their mustaches with malevolent glee. A movie so crammed full of heroes but everyone gets a chance to shine. The dialogue is sharp and funny without be too heavy on the Whedonisms. Who really gives a hoot about story when shit it blowing up!
What we have here is a big, loud blockbuster that is tense and exciting but doesn't forget to be as fun and silly in all exactly the right places. Roll on Avengers Assemble 2: The Assemblinating...
So! This Sunday WWE holds it annual Extreme Rules PPV, where every match is held with a different stipulation. Be it 2/3 Falls, Tables, Submission or the nicely vague Extreme Rules match.
Passed onto me, to my very pleasant surprise, Paddy Power is taking bets on the outcome of some of the matches at the PPV. So in the interest of helping people make a little extra scratch, here are my tips for Extreme Rules 2012
Randy Orton (1/3) vs. Kane (2/1) - Falls Count Anywhere
Kane has had some terrible history with the Fall Count Anywhere match. BUT Kane has undergone a re-calibration recently, or more accurately he went back to the old Kane with a mask. BUUUUT Orton seems to have been under the radar recently and though I wouldn't be his biggest fan in-ring-wise, I'd definitely see Orton being bumped up to main event status pretty soon. Considering the odds though I say take the risk and hope that they are going to keep up Kane's momentum and make him a evil bastard again.
KANE
Intercontinental Championship Match Big Show (c) (5/4) vs. Cody Rhodes (4/7) - Stipulation Yet to be Figured Out
Probably Big Show, since they made a big song and dance about him winning the title and it being his 'Wrestlemania Moment'. Still should be fun and part of me wants Cody to win but it'd make much more sense for Showster to retain.
BIG SHOW
World Heavyweight Championship Sheamus (c) (2/5) vs. Daniel Bryan (7/4) - 2/3 Falls
I figure this is going to be a little sleeper hit. I have yet to hate a Sheamus match (Wrestlemania notwithstanding) and Daniel Bryan's pre-WWE 2/3 Falls are always spectacular! Granted this ain't Ring of Honor but WWE are perfectly capable of putting on some awesome wrestling. WWE could actually make this feud pretty interesting with a Bryan win but the safe bet is Sheamus to retain.
SHEAMUS
WWE Championship CM Punk (c) (4/7) vs. Chris Jericho (5/4) - Chicago Street Fight
This. Will. Be. Awesome! Their feud has been bad-ass with Punk and Jericho being an absolute riot! The win is absolutely going to Punk. He has been slapped around the place by Jericho for the last few weeks and its time for a bit of retribution. There is always a chance they will keep this feud going to the Over the Limit PPV but if Jericho wins they are gonna have to pull out something really clever for Punk's character to keep the momentum going and as much as I am enjoying WWE at the moment, I don't see that happening.
CM PUNK
John Cena (13/8) vs. Brock Lesnar (4/9) - Extreme Rules
Brock Lesnar. No doubt about. Everything, all you have, the whole she-bang on Brock Lesnar
Alright, the second half was pretty rockin', what with the chainsaws, sledgehammers, amputations, skull-crushings and a lad's willy being bitten off but fucking hell the first half was worse than having your bits and pieces bitten off by zombies!
As the commentators on Tiger Woods golf on the PS2 would say 'slow as molasses'.
Its pretty much the first movie with all the boring bits taken out, yet somehow manages to still be really boring.
There is a moment where the giant (and I mean GIANT) mountain monster-lad comes teaming out of the earth and it really looked impressive. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out what in the shitting demi-Gods was going on! Its a maze of -eseous sounding names and infuriatingly messy fight scenes.
Its not the worst movie you'll ever seen but its so inconsequential that you are not better nor worse from having seen it! Its like spending 90 minutes staring at the poster for this fucking movie but with half the entertainment value.
Liam Nesson and Ralph Fiennes are better than this. Sam Worthington is not.
So go watch Moneyball instead, which I just watched this weekend and its great.
Wrestlemania 8! Not the most prolific Wrestlemania but one that houses a hidden gem among the pointlessness (Owen Hart vs. Skinner, is something to be found buried in the murky depths of Superstars). That hidden gem, that diamond in the rough, that slobberknocker within the shits is Ric Flair vs. 'Macho Man' Randy Savage!
Pitting the two men for the World Heavyweight Championship in the first of two main events of the evening. Flair and Savage were at the top of their game, some (me) would argue they never really lost 'it', just dabbled in shitness the latter half of their careers. Both managed to be legends well before retirement was on the horizon.
Flair/Savage any other time would've been a killer main event. But (Psycho) Sid Justice vs. Hulk Hogan muscled its way in cause...well it was 1992 and it was Hulkamania. But while Sid/Hogan is by-the-numbers-Hogan-gets-punched-a-lot-Hulks-up-then-punches-a-lot, the World Title match is a helluva story.
Firstly we have Flair and manager Mr.Perfect cackling, as only Flair and Perfect can, about pasting up a poster of Miss Elizabeth in the nip. Hold on, are these guys the bad guys? Either way, Savage cuts a promo defending Elizabeth's honor, barking at poor 'Mean' Gene and reminding me again how much I adore Savage's interviews.
So we get to the action and its really flawless. Savage was so great at being both an underdog and a perfectly believable champ. He'd get beaten down and beaten down but his comeback is never hammy. As for Ric Flair? Well Flair is Flair, a wonderful villain, he is evil to the point of a cartoon character here, plotting to insult the honor of Elizabeth. Dramatics are brought to an absolute high when Miss Elizabeth herself shows up to get involved (along with a young Shane McMahon!) and I'm about ready to explode (with excitement...wrestling excitement...). Now Savage is livid! He is gonna make sure no one sees Lizzie's bits and pieces except him. Damn! He just turned over the goddamn figure-four!
Finally Perfect steps up. He has as much invested in Flair being champ as Flair! He employs one of my favorite interference tactics, pass the brass knucks then distract the ref. Flair nails Savage and he is ready to steal the victory. Sigh, chalk one up for the bad guys, I guess we will see Miss Elizabeth's nips..1...2...KICK OUT!
Awesome.
Unsurprisingly, with a nudity stipulation in a PG era of rasslin' Savage picks up the win and the title aaaand the hand of Miss Elizabeth.
The closing celebrations are proof that whatever about the legitimacy of what they do in the ring, I still manage to get caught up in the story and dramatics of the whole affair. Plus Flair's post-match promo goes from villainous to just plain creepy when he basically threatens rape on Miss Elizabeth.
